meows

kinda thought this was something i’d grow out of, but i was unfortunately incorrect. i just got sneakier and more infrequent. i think the worst part is that i have such a hard time articulating why i do it. it’s so humiliating. i don’t expect anyone to understand, but i wish people were a little more gentle about it, you know? on my birthday, i got told to cut myself. it felt like i got slapped in the face. i’ll probably live in that moment for a really really long time.

i quit therapy recently and it kinda felt like my “nail in the coffin”. like proof that i completely gave up on myself and that i’m doomed to not get better. that i’ll just always feel this way because there’s something intrinsically wrong with me that therapy can’t fix. though i’m not sure if that’s entirely true, since i’m still here 3 months later. on good days, i like the think of it as just… a break. a brief hiatus until i feel like i’m in a better place to accept help and take real steps to improve life, not just wallow in my misery.

i have incredible memories with my best friend about this show. so many inside jokes. so many nights spent talking about headcanons, watching mmds, reading/writing fic, etc. there was a specific flash dating game on deviantart where one of america’s lines was “start the war already, i’m getting impatient” and it still makes me smile.

as jack johnson once said: Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?

this is my all time favorite food, i think. i like it best with bread crumbs. not to toot my own horn, but i think i make a pretty good mac and cheese. one time i got a 5 hour lecture for eating this. i tried to hide it, but he found it anyway. i felt like a little kid in the worst way possible. still though, i think the good memories with mac n cheese much outweigh the bad. this is a Last Meal dish for sure.

it works, unfortunately!

i used to love these so much… i wish i kept them all. my favorite was a little yellow bird that i named “chickie” and i was obsessed with her. i think it was “chick 081”? i made her a tiny little box and painted it yellow and carried it around with me everywhere. i lost her once, and my parents got me a replacement chickie. not the same, obviously. but i still loved her.

i have the rusty cage song memorized to this day. i’d play this game all the time. still got all my fingers somehow!

i used to go onto this game and pretend to be a baby at the pet shop?? i think my therapist would have a field day with that information. anyway, the classism in that game was so crazy. the babies wouldn't want a poor, non-member momma (and vice versa). i really liked the pizza shop game. i also liked that you could tip the iceberg in the final days.

this was my very first pokemon game and piplup was my first ever pokemon. it's not my favorite pokemon game, but it means the absolute world to me. i remember playing in the underground with my best friend and staying up all night at sleepovers. i miss the feeling of being a kid and playing this.