dangnammit

sort of like if pure evil was a bus service. invented gaslighting.

Number one carb in the game for sure

So unnecessary

For the rest of my damn life???

keep doing this at work and getting myself into george costanza situations and NOT the seasons when he worked for the yankees.

i like watching videos of this on instagram reels.

if don draper was a firetruck he'd be the biggest one in the world!!!!!!!!!!!

he said some real shit, i'll give him that.

and what makes you more lovable than a crusty-eyed white little dog?

this and seventeen crackers for dinner.

sometimes you get them too short to play an octave on the piano. and what do you do then? not learn the gravity falls theme song on piano? because you can't play the octave? that sucks :( good for a lot of other shit though. i like using them to make a popping sound in my mouth.

the popular theory is kind of ass but if you start getting supernatural and weird about it, it becomes really really cool.

Get fucked!

Walking is a race and I’m winning.

Really really good but there’s room to improve.

royal mail is an organisation that was created to ragebait first, leave "we just missed you" delivery cards second, and deliver your mail maybe like eighteenth.

Yay!!!!!!!

Had this with pasta for dinner. Was ok.

“Five star team” 🙄 yer getting two until you get it together.

They achieved perfection with the peanut one but they are unsatisfied and full of hubris. They keep bastardising the damn thing. HEY!! YOU ALREADY MADE THE PEANUT ONE!!! THERE’S NOTHING ELSE TO MAKE!! STOP PUTTING SHIT THAT’S NOT PEANUT IN M&MS!

Probably the most erotic clothing there is.

Hell yeah brother