Michael Gibbs

A really good time, especially with friends. The etymology is pretty neat too.

The best bit of overhead conversation I've ever heard was when I was 16, and I heard a girl say to her friend, "I don't like ice tea; it tastes like cold tea". Can't get enough of the stuff, personally.

I have such a complicated relationship with it. I love it dearly, but I understand that it is something of an addiction. I don't drink it every single day, but I can't imagine my life without it, and that's probably signs of a problem. Still, on a hot day in the sun, when it hits – it truly hits.

Can't in good faith give a star rating here. Can't even really leave a review. I'll let you know when I find out. If I can.

I've avoided reviewing people here as most of the people I've thought of reviewing I don't know personally – funny as it may be to reference that Norm Macdonald bit in the reviews for Hitler. Most of the time the reviews of people would be more judgements on their creative output anyway. All this to say, I've spoken to Lande a few times after her shows to the point where I'm on first name basis with her, and I have had a professional email correspondence with her as well about booking her to play a party. From those interactions (and her stage banter), she's very nice, funny and smart – and I deeply love her music as well.

Best argument for their continued existence is their reference in the first two lines of the 2013 Alvvays song, "Archie, Marry Me", which are some of the best lyrics ever. However, as great as that song and its lyrics are, it's really not that much of a convincing argument.

Massaman, light of my life, fire of my stomach. My sin, my soul. Ma-ssa-man: the touch of the lips taking a trip of widening the cheeks, to tap, at three, against the teeth, behind the lips. Ma. Ssa. Man. Okay, I didn't need to butcher Nabokov to make my point – I bloody adore massaman curry. Especially a beef one. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. I could eat them for a week straight and not get bored.

My parents did/do their best, I think almost everyone's did/do. In spite of what Philip Larkin might say, my parents didn't fuck me up *that* badly when all is said and done. Certainly some room for improvement, but that's the case with a lot of life. Anyway, it's not *my* parents I'm reviewing, it's parents as a whole, and I think with some exceptions (okay, an unfortunate amount of exceptions), most people's folks are good enough to raise – at the very least – somewhat competent individuals past 18. They deserve some credit for that, Philip.

Oh man, these fucking suck.

Five stars if they're blueberry flavoured. Four and a half if they're chocolate flavoured. Overall as a foodstuff though, four stars – I tend to prefer a slice of a full-sized cake.

Pointless, bloodsucking little shits that cause itchy discomfort at best and malaria at worst. Get rid!

Love it or hate it, everything would fall apart without it.

Slightly mixed feelings on these. On the one hand, there's no denying that these bad boys have been incredibly useful for the history of recorded music. On the other, there is a convincing argument that they shut people off from the world around them. Still, they're brilliant to listen to my tunes on public transport with, so a net positive in my book.

It sure was a place to do a degree. Okay, that's a bit harsh. It's a cosy campus in a beautiful city, I made some great friends and memories there, I learnt so much (both in and out of the classroom), and I would have almost certainly had all the mental health struggles I had there, had I attended any other university. And – without an in-depth knowledge of multiverse theory – I can't say for certain what my life would have been like, what I would have learnt, and who I would have met, had I studied elsewhere. *But*, they treated their striking workers very poorly (at least one particular lecturer I had), they were very poor in helping students set up societies, and I did have some very miserable times there too – not all of them directly the uni's fault, granted.

Restores one's faith in humanity. Up there with the suspension bridge and chips as the best inventions of all mankind.

My beautiful hometown! A surprising amount of amenities for somewhere so small – where else in the UK can you find somewhere with a population of under 10,000 people with a Thai restaurant, a Domino's, a train station *and* an independent cinema? They say you can never truly return home, but it feels within reach whenever I visit Burnham.

Better when paired with ketchup, but still pretty much perfect. Often taste awful when left to go cold, that's the one thing stopping me giving them the full five stars.

It is what it is.

Looks good, feels good, feeds young – what's not to love? Only reason I'm not giving it five stars is the back pain and dysphoria it can sometimes give people.

Having a decent season at time of writing. Don't fuck it up lads. Up the Clarets.

Helps me to be a much better cook than I have any right to be.

Evil substance. Sure, it can look pretty, but: a. it's a lame artifice of true glowing glamour, b. it's horrible for the environment, c. I got some in my hair at a nightclub over the weekend and I'm still finding pieces of it in there and on my skin, oh God please make it stop please make it stop please make it stop.

Deep down, on a spiritual level, I don't really believe in it, but I have to trick myself into doing so or else I get nothing done. I can see the appeal though. Sometimes it feels wasted on certain people though, for various kinds of reasons.

I've often said that someone could stab me in the heart with a piece of glass while this song plays, and I wouldn't mind as I'd get to die to Heart of Glass. What a truly great song.

"Some of it is just transcendental. Some of it is just really dumb." When all is said and done though, I think it's all worth it. Easiest five stars ever.

A waste of everyone's time, yet so easy to succumb to.

Not the biggest fan, but I do realise I'm quite biased in saying this.

Soporific experimental poetry for those not in the loop of its meaning, for others, a valuable lifeline that has no doubt saved countless lives. The theme tune is an utter banger as well.

Cute, fuzzy things that often make me go "awwww" – even their annoying characteristics are worth it. Also, can serve a very important purpose vis-à-vis getting rid of pests.