Gru

should keep his eyes to himself

(There is a review carved here, but it's too dark to read without lighting a torch.)

Where am I? Who are you people? I want to go back! Put me back!

better than lighting your house on fire

a favourite of early humans who didn't know any better, now redundant due to central heating and no one cooking anymore

not real

good for the price but cold

good for the price